Gratitude

Transitioning is hard; yet, so much of life is about facing changes and learning to adapt.  My body is changing as I get older, my family life is changing as my children get older, and sometimes it feels strange and sad.  I try to shift some of my anxiety to excitement and some of my frustration to acceptance and sometimes I am more successful than other times.  I must keep adapting to change.

This chapter is the last chapter of my manuscript.  It is on gratitude.  I have a lot to be grateful for even though I feel like I am losing a part of myself as my children move on in life.  I think of the 29 years I have spent being a mom and now that role is shifting.  It isn't going away, but it is taking on a different hue.  It's hard to explain.  I am learning how to adapt to another change in my life.  Gratitude is a great tool to have in our tool box of coping skills.  It doesn't always make everything the way we wish it could be, but it helps to shift our perspective to help us see life in a way that helps us to adapt.  I need a lot of help sometimes.

Carry On!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7jPs-wKTuOuM2tVT1J5bHBFQk0/edit?usp=sharing  

Hope

Here we go with a chapter on HOPE.  It is the second to last chapter.

Hope can be tricky sometimes.  I recently read about the hope dilemma.  One example is when I talk to a patient who has their sense of hope, a family member with their hope and idea of what kind of treatments the patient should have, and then the hospital staff has their own hope of what the patient can or should be doing.  Not everyone has the same kind of hope in all circumstances.  I have learned that I cannot give someone else my hope and expect it to become their own.  We each have our own relationship with hope.

Hope can be a mystery for individuals whose hope is ebbing on one day and flowing another day, or many instances of ups and downs in the same day!  We can hope for something that is unrealistic and then not feel anything when there is actually a good chance that things could turn out in our favor.  What a dilemma?!  What I do know is that hope is my "saving grace" (something to ponder).  A little bit of hope can go a long way to help us endure.  On any given day we could probably write a chapter on hope and it may very well be different from the day before, and slightly (or a lot) off from the reality of the day after.  Hope is necessary for me to........Carry On!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7jPs-wKTuOuQW9XQjltbTk2a2M/edit?usp=sharing

Grace

This is my chapter on Grace.  I have two chapters left to post here:  Hope and Gratitude.  I hope to get them on here soon and I thank you for taking the time to stop in and read. 

For now, take a moment to read and reflect on grace.  As I looked over this chapter before posting it I realized how much I needed to be reminded of the enabling power of grace in my life.  It is difficult to put words to the feeling and essence of grace, but I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings because grace is something that is more valuable to me than I could ever be able to explain.  This chapter is a rather feeble attempt to share something that is profound and meaningful to me - far beyond the words I have written.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7jPs-wKTuOub0twbFpoaDQtYUE/edit?usp=sharing

Carry on.

Prayer

This is the chapter about Prayer.  

We each have our own relationship to God and our own way of praying and understanding what it means to us.  This chapter is a small part of my "prayer story." 

Carry On!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7jPs-wKTuOuTUgyMjBwRnRaaTA/edit?usp=sharing

Value

This chapter is about Value.

For whatever reason I tend to second guess myself on occasion.  Some times I feel confident and other times not so much.  I do a pretty good job of preaching about the importance of accepting ourselves for who we are and that our value lies within our hearts.  Yet, I fall short at times when it comes to believing in myself and accepting my own limitations.  This chapter is a reminder of what it means to be strong and valuable. 

Carry on!



https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7jPs-wKTuOuNzFQSGI2UFI4T0E/edit?usp=sharing

I had a black dog, his name was depression

I found this video a while ago and thought it was excellent.  I want to share it here because I think it does a good job of describing what depression feels like and how it can affect someone's life.  It is simple and direct and provides a good picture of depression for those who don't know what it feels like, yet know and care about someone who deals with it all of the time.  I hope you will take 4 minutes and watch this.  I like that is honest and hopeful.

                                  

Trust

No way has it been over a month since I last posted a chapter.  What happened?  I do not know.

This chapter is about trust.  This topic is significant to me because of the unpredictability of my illness.  I have a background in behavioral science where I was taught to look for patterns; specifically, patterns of behavior.  The objective for the scientist is to be able to increase the odds of being able to predict a certain kind of outcome from identifying certain variables.  In my case, I have tried to identify certain variables such as diet, sleep, exercise, stress, and so forth, and then used these variable to help predict an outcome for my levels of fatigue and other symptoms of my illness.  Without going into detail, let me just say that my illness frustrates scientists, and people with the illness who are trying to understand what it is that is going on with their bodies. 

I feel much better than I did 15 years ago when I first started dealing with my symptoms, yet I have not found a way to predict or eliminate when or how my symptoms will flare.  Therefore, the element of trust has been a rather complicated issue.  None of us knows what any given day will bring, however there was a profound sense of trust that was lost to me when I first started experiencing symptoms.  I could no longer trust that if I took care of myself in a healthy way that there would be a generally predictable outcome.

Not too long ago I experienced a betrayal that shook my trust in a particular person and our friendship.  It was painful.  Betrayal is not fun.  After reviewing this chapter, I recalled how painful it was to feel like my body was betraying my trust when I first began my journey through chronic illness.  I have learned from it, and I hope some of my insights will help you on your journey of understanding.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7jPs-wKTuOuSjN3S01jM0ZIUTA/edit?usp=sharing